It's Not Ok

Wow! Some people. Have you ever had a conversation with someone that starts off with something that sounds like they're checking on you then it goes sideways? Like, you leave the conversation asking yourself did they really want to know if I'm ok or did was there another agenda?

Maybe I'm the only one that this type of thing bothers but, if you're asking me if I'm ok as if you genuinely care don't follow that by asking me out, or gossiping about something or someone, don't use my situation as your in to talk to me, that's just not cool.

Also, married people, if you're not happy in your marriage deal with that before you talk to members of the opposite sex. Don't play down what you're trying to do either. They see through you and lastly when they shoot you down don't act like it was them thinking that way, you know good and well what you were doing and you didn't take it well when they said no so you tried to flip it as if they thought that, don't think so. Don't pull people into your hot-mess.

Single moms, single parents, single dads, do you get this? Your marriage goes bad, you actually leave it instead of staying in like a lot of people, you step up and take your life back instead of sitting around thinking about what life would be like if you weren't in whatever it is. You leave the cheater. You leave the narcissist. You left whatever it is you were in that was bad enough you felt you needed to leave. Next thing you know, as you are finding your strength, as you are getting your feet, someone comes up to you and says, "oh what happened", you don't even get a partial answer out and they're saying "you were too good for them anyway", "you need xyz"...

I mean seriously. People now days seem to always have a hidden agenda. Or, is it me? Is it me? Seriously? Have I gotten so jaded because of my situations, because of my past, that when someone is 'nice' to me I can't see it for what it is?

I'm not sure what the case is. I don't know if it's me or them. I don't know if they understand how, it comes across. They probably don't. I don't know that they understand where we are in our journey before they do that. When you've stepped out on faith you are looking for genuine people not anyone who's looking for something from you.

This post may not be my best one. This one seems like I'm all over the place. This one is full of emotion. But, it kinda got me this morning. I'm watching church and out of no where this person asks me about my 'status' they'd seen or heard something, and I didn't give details, it's not their business I gave the basic "it didn't work out" that I give to anyone. The person went from that to an entirely other end, and I had to say "you're married" when I did they said " I didn't mean me ". I'm sorry who the hell did they mean then?

This is why I'm single. This is why I will likely stay single. I'm not interested in married men. I'm not interested in hidden agendas. I'm not interested in rescues. I'm not interested in parties. I'm not interested in weirdness.

If I were looking for anything and that's a very BIG IF it would be a friend to hang out with, do things with, run around with. They would have to be equally yoked (if I have to explain that they aren't). They would need to have a sense of humor and not be too serious all the time. They would need to be stable. They would need to be mentally and physically sound. (horse terms but it still applies). They would need to be interested in some of the things I'm interested in. You see for me there is no sense in claiming someone if you're never going to do anything with them.

If someone likes me but, doesn't like kids, sorry no. If they don't like horses, meh can't do it. It helps if they're air worthy. I like fast things, cars, 4 wheelers, go karts, typically things with 4 wheels but 2 occasionally. This person would need to be patient and kind. I have PTSD from bad relationships and triggers that I don't even know what they are at times. I enjoy exercise and eating healthy too. So, if they're eating fried chicken all the time or weight 100 lbs more than me it isn't going to work because I've had weight issues my entire life.

Let's see. I can make a list. Tall, dark, and handsome are off the list. Those have never worked out for me before. This will be an action list this isn't something they can just claim they actually have to back these things up with action.

Christian - God first

Humble - but not so much so that they have no sense of self.

Honest - even when the truth hurts.

Good with teenagers

Hard Worker

Financially Stable (doesn't need help from me)

Socially Acceptable

Protective

Knows horses

Loves animals - but not more than me

Loves music

Health conscious. Eats healthy, exercises, doesn't chow down on fried food all the time....

Enjoys spending time doing things together

I don't know about anyone else, but this list will grow the longer I'm alone. The more I get comfortable with myself, and I grow and change this list will follow suit. I'm growing and changing. I'm not looking for attention and I'm not going to be satisfied with half ass.