You Can't Make Them Help Themselves No Matter How Hard You Try

It's a harsh reality and a hard lesson to learn. But. It's the truth. Some people don't want 'help' because they don't know what 'help' is. No, they want you to do it for them. Those people don't know how to help themselves or they just don't want to. It's hard to tell the difference.

I don't understand it. I can't grasp how you would rather live in your car and float from sofa to sofa than to get a decent job and make a pay check where you could get an apartment, or a house or whatever. I don't understand how you would rather be cold, hungry, and have back problems because you're sleeping anywhere you can, whenever you can, and eating here and there rather than the alternative.

When you love someone you want to see them do well. You want to see them succeed. You want to see them happy. Sometimes it sucks because you aren't part of that happy but you still don't want to see them living in their car. But. You can't do it for them.

That's what he wants. He never has understood. He's angry because i divorced him and until recently he thought he could worm his way back in. Up till last week he was still trying to get me to let him sleep in my driveway, on my sofa, and in my bed. He seems to have completely forgotten that we divorced for a lot of reasons but the biggest one was he REFUSED TO WORK he had a gimic for everything and he never followed through on any of them and he got angry at me when I put a stop to all the bouncing around and said get a job.

He was content going skydiving with other women, thinking I wouldn't know what was going on. He still wants me to be ok with him having relationships with other women. He doesn't see anything wrong with it and I do and that's a big problem. See in my eyes. He's telling me he wants to come back here yet he's spending all his time with his women friends. Fishing, shopping, running the roads. While I work. Because neither of them work. So, what is it he wants? For me to fund their habits? I don't think so.

He gets angry at me and says Savannah will come to my rescue anytime I call her. Ok. Fine. Call Savannah. I'm busy WORKING.

And... then i'm the bad guy again. I've gotten so used to being the bad guy and getting called the worst names you can think of that I can't even remember when I was good person. I think it was back in 2017 when I was working 2 jobs, and supporting him being a stay home step dad, paying for all his skydiving. Back then I was 'the best ever'.

Alot has changed.

He's telling me this whole time that he wants to fix things. He wants another chance. I'm telling him get a job, get your a safe place for our son to visit and we will talk. He didn't. Never did. He made excuse after excuse. Then he got his face bashed in, in his sleep, in his car, in a "friends" driveway. That wasn't enough of a wake up call. He just found another friend, another driveway. It came out that meth was involved. Not him but around him. I don't know that it's not him. It's hard to tell with his personality.

Now he's gone from bad to worse. There's a shooting at the new friends place. Cops swarm. Meth is found there. He actually admits in an argument about if the cops found the meth or not and tells me he's seen it there but never the heroin that I was told was also found.

He's gone to defending his meth friends. Savannah she's a 'meth friend' and also his 'bestie'. He's actually angry with me that I found out. Which is neither funny nor ironic it just shows what I'm dealing with.

I've been told that it's my fault he's in his car because I divorced him. It's my fault he's chosen to run around with meth addicts. It's my fault he's choosing to run around with Savannah and the other women (who are on meth and other things) because I'm such a terrible person.

I wonder what he's saying about me today? No Contact was put in place again after the last message that I received from him saying that our kiddo is with his birth mom becuase of me, and he's with the meth addicts because of me, and his choices are my fault.

He wanted to use messenger so I couldn't see who he was talking to on the phone bill. So his phone is cut off. His choice he put a different SIM card in. I didn't ask him too. I did turn the data off to make it very hard for him to use messenger because I knew what he was doing and who he was talking to. He lost it. He so lost it. He seems to think that because he's running the roads, hiding in driveways, parking all over the place, that I won't know who he's with or what he's doing. He's wrong.

He thinks every time I say NO i'm only doing it to make things harder on him. He has no concept of the fact that I work, I take care of the kids, I take care of the farm. I'm trying to find peace in all of this because it's damn near impossible to know and understand that the man you loved so much never actually existed and definitely never loved you back.

So No Contact It is. Blocked - Social Media - Blocked - phone - new phone, old phone, all of them just to be on the safe side. Not that any of that matters he has is ways, he's done it before. He knows how to hack phones and he knows all the new apps to get a different phone number. He seems to have forgotten that if I really wanted to dig into who he was talking to before all i would have to do is get a new sim card on his line and use his phone with the information I already have. I own the line.

Thing is I don't want to know. Like I really DON'T want to know. I've found out so many lies already. He's running around a small town in a car that stands out like a sour thumb with known meth addicts. The chevron down the street from my house has trespassed him off the property because of what he's been doing there. This isn't just me and I no longer have to defend myself because other people see it.

You know what I have to defend? My guilt. Because I am a good person and I constantly wonder if there was something else I could've done to have made it any better. But. I know there's not. It wouldn't have mattered what I did because he doesn't love me and never respected me. So the only way that he'd have ever been happy with me is if I were to have played completely blind and ignorant and not worried about all the time he spent away from home and the thousands of dollars he wasted while the kids and I went without.

His choices are his choices. He had options. He had a place to stay close to kiddo, rent free till he got on his feet. He didn't want that it would require he get a job. He had camper, he left it in one of the meth heads driveways and well it's gone now. He could go to Texas now, but he won't. He was using 'fixing things with me' as his excuse not to go but, um... what is it he's supposed to be fixing? Things with me are past the point of no return. I will never be able to trust him again. AND he still has NO JOB!

I would love to see him get on his feet, get his own place, and be able to have a friendship with me for our boy. But. At the rate we're going I'm opting out. I choose peace. Meth addicts. Multiple women. Yeah, i pass.