More Like a Farm Less Like Sanford and Sons

Everyday I get up with a plan. I'm building a routine. Starting over.

Looking around all I can think about is what a junkyard this is or rather, has been. Everyday, I look at the mountain of chores waiting on me and I pray. "God please help me get these things done and maybe make a little money while I'm at it."

I'm exactly where God wants me to be. Since all of this happened, I have been knocking things out left and right and getting stuff done. The first project was to patch the walls. Instead of using sheetrock mud and painting (which I'm terrible at) I chose to do barn wood. That's done, I still have to do the trim but, I'm thinking the trim is a project all by itself. I want to trim out all the rooms with the same stuff when I finish with all the projects.

Next was the backsplash in the kitchen. Which also has walls included but was put on hold when the bathroom interfered and other people got involved. So yeah, you heard the bathroom. Ripped the shower completely out because of a massive leak that was rotting my floors and causing black mold. Cut out some of the floor, and started replacing it until everything went on hold waiting on the plumber.

2 husbands. Over the course of 14 years in this house and neither of them fixed this stuff. The problems started with husband number 1 and became prominent with husband number 2 and neither one ever did what they needed to do to take care of it and husband number 1 was a handyman carpenter type.

Oh and I got rid of the car that's been parked in my yard for 2 years with no brakes, and a bunch of crap in it. So there's that.

I have a huge building a little house on several acres so I have plenty of room and most of what I need to get started turning this place into the farm I've always wanted it to be. The way the house is positioned is a little odd for what I want to do but, when it's all done I'll be able to sit on my front deck and watch the animals across the driveway. I am so excited about the thought of it that all the work that is 'holding up progress' is driving me nuts. But... I've got time. It's pretty much the one thing I have a ton of right now.

You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff I've burned (see my other post Burn baby Burn). If you can imagine what it's like to live with a hoarder in the 'beginning stages' and have the room to store stuff on top of that, then you can imagine this. If not, you have no idea. Like I said I am where God wants me right now.

I know it sounds crazy but the bible tells me that if I walk in faith, do what I'm supposed to do, plan for the future, and prepare for everything I will be blessed. So far, I'm not getting rich, but the horses have a full drum plus some, the pantry and fridge are full, the lights and water are on and the car has a full tank of gas (and today that's a huge deal). So... There are things. There will be more things. God will provide. My horse had to go to the vet. I had to buy health insurance. Within those same 2 days I sold the car and a bunch of stuff on eBay. God provided. That money didn't have to come from my savings and reserves where I planned ahead for all this. It came from exactly where it was supposed to.

Don't get me wrong it hurts not having that biweekly check. This week would've been payday week. Not having that chunk of change is depressing but, you know what's not depressing? The amount of stress I don't have. The amount of time I'm not spending sitting on the interstate commuting to a job that didn't me in person the last 2 years but then suddenly decided my job couldn't be done elsewhere. A new untrained boss who wasn't a leader by any definition of the word who just wanted someone to say 'yes ma'am' and do what they were told (sorry that's not me). Yeah, I'm exactly where God wants me. He didn't want me there. Not miserable like I was. He has a bigger, better plan for me because he is bigger.

Part of that plan. To turn this Sanford and Sons yard into a few acres of horse, goat, chicken, cat, dog & kid farm. Oh yeah. The building that was full of random stuff. It's getting converted into my tack and feed room and we're planning to build side holds for my equipment and our go-karts and things. My yard, getting fenced and gated on the lower side, and extended as far out as I can go with it on the upper side. Probably put me a round pen or a catch lot there. Not sure yet.

So many thoughts and ideas. Yes, it would be nice to have someone to share it all with but, the reality of it is I want peace and in my experience peace doesn't come with another person. You have to be willing to accept them and their faults and risk trusting them and allow yourself to get hurt with they make a mistake because they're human too and I'm just not there yet. I'm not sure I ever will be again. (See my post on the truth about narcissistic abuse) See the thing is I'm finding me. I'm learning that I can throw things away after years of being told we need to keep it. I'm learning that no one can fuss at me because I'm the only one here (except my boys who can fuss but, I'm still the boss).

I don't know. I'm just making change after change and I'm so excited to see this farm become the farm of my dreams. I'm where God knows I need to be to heal. The money will come. God will provide. I'm not sitting on my rear doing nothing. I'm not sleeping the day away. I'm putting the hours, and the work into this and it will pay off.