Reinventing yourself - Again..

We all have one thing, you know the one... That defining moment, or that event that led up to something similar. For me it's the mirror. I don't like the person I see.

I was in a job that paid well, and I was in a situation that required it. So much so that the weight of the free world was on my shoulders - all alone, or so I thought. I took unnecessary stress and held it in. I kept it sacred. I was so scared of losing something I despised that the plethora of alternatives weren't an option; not only were they not an option they never even entered the realm. So I quit. (Read my post "Stepping out on Faith" if you haven't already.)

I got kinda mean and really cranky. My now ex-husband says it affected things a lot more than I realized. I can't argue that because, I realized I didn't catch on to how much my mood affects those I'm around, till today. I was with my son today talking to someone about a few things and she says to me "it's a mom / son thing", she was referring to the bond a mother has with her kids, sons in particularly. She was saying that my one of my boys is very protective of me and that when I'm depressed, he's depressed, when I'm doing well, he does better, and she had noticed a difference in his attitude today from the last time we saw her. She's right. No doubt about it. Things have changed recently and so has he. Ironically enough all of this came after I sat this morning and read the entire book of Job in the bible.

So, it got me thinking. Parents screw up, we make mistakes, we're human and we're never going to be perfect. But.... What we do not only affects them they see so much more than we think they do that they often feel it too.

So why do I think Job is similar? Because, Job goes through many trials, we will call them, and his friends visit and during this period of self-reflection he defends and justifies his self-pity and it's only at the end of it that he realizes God is bigger. God has this. Job was a good man, he never lost his faith, he never condemned God but, he felt like what he'd done was good enough and he didn't see that he had fallen short. When he finally realized, he repented, and God gave him back double what he'd lost. God is bigger.

Now what? Now, I make sure my kids don't see me justify my own self-pity, not only do I make sure they don't see me justify it but, I stop doing it. I stop with the stress, by giving it to God and leaving it there. I stop worrying and remember this is a season and all seasons change. I stop overthinking (or at least try really hard). I start taking care of myself again because somewhere along the way I stopped. I can tell too I gained 20 lbs this year & I'm really active.

What's the first step? Write this blog. Put in resumes. Build my brand. Move. Forward momentum. Newtons Law of Inertia - an object in motion stays in motion. Second step? Stop eating so much. Get up and move. Again forward motion. I used to run. I enjoy cardio. I like to attempt to dance. So let's hit the payment, turn on the zumba, grab the teenagers and embarrass them to death by making them join in the fun. (Or harassing them and trying to get them to join - either way there is fun to be had.)

Do I know the answer? Nope! Not a clue. What I do know is that I have faith. God is good. He is bigger. He is for me and everything I'm doing is better than what I have previously done. So I'm going to 'keep on keeping on' (another post for your to read if you haven't already).

Time to put some more resumes out.