Technical Difficulties

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do something is going to go wrong? Do you know what I mean? Like for me this morning started off bad. It threw my entire day out of whack and now all I can think is "what next"?

That's truly a terrible way for me to go into the day. It's like what I said in my post "Don't take it with you" but.. It's hard not to. I mean seriously. When you wake up and the whole thing goes wrong in the first 3 minutes. How do you not take that with you?

I'm trying. I got the kids off to school came back and had a long talk with God and then read my bible for a bit to try and get a little better perspective on things.

I need this day to go better. I got things to take care of. I can't be like this all day. I gotta get resumes out. I gotta get the furniture fixed (well wait on the furniture people to get here to tell me how they are going to fix it). I got to take care of the things. The things that the moms take care of. I don't have the option of going back to bed pulling the covers over my head and pretending the day will go away.

But... I had someone in my life that did exactly that every time something went wrong. Do you have any idea how hard it is to live with someone when they open their eyes look at you and close their eyes and don't open them again for 2 days. You think I exaggerate. Nope. That's the cold hard truth. People don't know. They think they do. They don't.

Not to say that this person was a bad person, they weren't, most of the time. They could be though. Especially, if you really needed them. They didn't want to be needed by anyone. Yes, they had some mental issues. No, it wasn't entirely their fault but... When you're counting on someone and they can't / won't get out of bad because their having a bad day and they won't even try to get up and trudge through. What are you supposed to do?

I never did really figure out the answer to that question. I couldn't. I'm a mom. I have a job to do, several actually, if I don't do it no one will. I knew when I became a mom within the first week my world had changed. If I didn't feed my son he didn't eat. If I slept he didn't necessarily sleep. If I moved he had to be a part of it. It was LIFE CHANGING to say the least.

Some people don't handle that well. Shoot there are days I don't handle that well. I can tell you now next Saturday when the kids visit their dad I'm sleeping until my eyes just can't stay shut on their own any longer and then I might lay their and hold them shut just because...

I get depression. Meaning I understand it. I've been diagnosed with it in the past. That's the thing though. People get sad. People get depressed. It can be for a reason or a season. The key is to not let it stay. Some people really can't help it and need a little help. I'm one of those sometimes. I have a problem with that though. I'm not one to like help and my body tends to agree so those 'medicines' never work well for me.

How do you help others with it though? I learned the hard way. You can't. The entire key to kicking or even controlling a bipolar disorder, or a depressive disorder is to try. Those days you feel like you can't get up. Do it anyway. Those days you feel like you can't shower. Do it anyway. Those days where the whole world is against you. Go in it anyway. Life doesn't stop just because you do.

I've known a few people who thought it did, or wanted it to. I've known a few people who were so severely depressed they only saw 1 way out. Those people, they hide it well. Those are the people that you never know are depressed. They're the ones that you have to look out for. You can't tell them from others. They do a really good job of making everything seem like it's ok when it's really just the complete and exact opposite.

I pray for those that lost their battle. I pray for those that fight the battle every day. I know how hard it can be for me. I know how easy it is for me to want to hide away and ignore everything and everyone. I can't though. Not for any other reason other than I'm not going to let it win. I'm a fighter. Depression will not win.

The holy spirit has my back. God has my back. Jesus has my back. Satan and his depression with his lies, and even his truths, will not win today. I will carry on. I will rise. I will keep moving until my feet have no move left.

I will do this for myself. I will do this for my boys. I will do this for my animals. I will do this for everything and everyone who depends on me. Because. I am a child of God and I'm enough.

NOT TODAY SATAN.